Discontinuing Medications. A Pleasant Surprise!

Featured by N.A.Z., posted in Health

Why did I stop some medications? Well, I have a swallowing condition. It’s so much more than just “difficulty swallowing” but I’ll leave it at that for now. There are just so many pills. I could not swallow them all. I’m used to taking all of my psych meds, so that wasn’t as much of an issue. But I had a lot of other ones and I’m just like, this is ridiculous. I looked at the pills, what they were for, and what some of the withdrawal side effects were.

So in total, I discontinued 4 separate medications. Eventually, I saw each of the prescribing physicians for the prescriptions that I had discontinued.

The very interesting thing was all of my conditions were doing the best that they’d ever been and I was not on medications for any of those conditions anymore! 🤔 In total, I had discontinued 4 medications, and each of the specialists told me to that they did not recommend I continue those meds as this time because there was no longer a need for them! The thing about that is, they would not have known the status of my conditions if I had not stopped the medications! They would have assumed that the medications were the reason behind, the conditions improved status.

So, now I’m on four less pills daily than I was before. I asked the pharmacist which pills I could crush… Because you can’t just go crushing all pills. Sometimes it changes what they do in your body, so I made sure I confirmed that, then for some of the vitamins I got the chewable kind of vitamins so that was helpful.

My ENT, (ear nose and throat doctor), was very pleased. She actually looked at my throat and saw that there was no longer any inflammation or irritation. She is such a sweet lady. She has amazing bedside manner. And she sat down like she was ready to sit comfortably for as long as it took to hear everything that had been going on since the last time I saw her, three years ago. I really appreciate it that she did not seem like she was in a rush to get it over with and see the next person. My cognitive impairments are not much of and issue when I don’t feel rushed.

She also told me something that was very interesting and potentially life-saving! From years ago, I used to be able to take all of my psych meds at the same time. That was 9 pills! She told me to please stop doing that! She said I would be surprised how many people end up in the ER because they’re trying to speed up the process, by swallowing multiple pills at the same time. She also said that I know I have a swallowing condition in addition to that, so please swallow them one by one.

An interesting thing that she suggested was for each pill, lubricate my throat well with water first (I also have dry mouth which affects your throat as well) and then think of the pill, what it’s supposed to do in my body., And then visualize it doing that in my body. She said to be mindful. That was such a wonderful suggestion, and I actually turned it into prayer.

So now, instead of focussing on the fact that a lot of these allopathic medications are toxic (which they are)… I focus on being grateful that God created the science that made these medications, that have been very helpful to me, even though they have also caused me, some frustration to say the least.

It was such a wonderful interaction with people working in the healthcare system. There have been a lot of things that have annoyed me about the system.

I feel like I have to take the time to acknowledge that there are some really amazing doctors and receptionists and nurses that really want people to heal and be healthy. You mean more to them than just confirming your version code on your health card, to make sure they get paid.

Even her receptionist was exceptionally kind. she remembered me from my phone call a few weeks prior. And she said if I can get in soon then I don’t have to get a new referral from my family doctor. She was like “who wants to do all that work?” And then she stopped me from sitting down in the waiting room, and told me to go right into the examination room. She said that she noticed my cane so “who the heck wants to be standing up and sitting down multiple Times?” She said “I’m not a cruel person like other people.”She was so sweet. Like a ray of sunshine.

The pills that remain are far more manageable. I was even preparing to go to a compounding pharmacist. A compounding pharmacist can make a pill into a dosage that does not exist or even for instance, a liquid versus a pill form. You have to pay for that, so that’s an issue for me.

Now that I have pills that I can crush, pills that I can chew and a decreased amount of pills that I have to swallow. It’s working well for me. Also, when I take my pills now, I feel a sense of gratitude and peace as I’m very mindful😊

Who would have thought, I ever would’ve had a smile after taking my multiple… multiple… multiple… medications? Did I say multiple? My memory and all…

Have a great week my lovelies!

Mai

Why?

Featured by N.A.Z., posted in Health

I was having a conversation with my friend the other day and he was saying he doesn’t ask “why” about the painful things that he’s been through in life. I, on the other hand, am different. I am grateful for the “why”. It is always revealed to me eventually. No matter how horrible the experience, there has always seemed to be a purpose to my pain that has helped me to help others and become a better and more compassionate person. I would not be who I am today without each painful and sometimes traumatic experience I’ve been through in my life.

Things like childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, mental and physical illness. It would be easy to sit in place of self-pity and anger indefinitely asking “why” from a negative and bitter place. After keeping things bottled up for years I started to become more vocal about what I’d been through. In my personal life, women young and old, started to disclose to me their stories. Many of them had never disclosed to another person ever. They felt comfortable because they knew I understood. If I’d kept it to myself, maybe some of them would never have told another living soul. That is so much to carry on your own. I’m glad that my openness about my pain allowed them a safe space to disclose their own. I am happy for that “why”.

I also started doing public speaking. Largely to high school students about my challenges with mental health. I learned that sometimes in just naming an experience, not even going into detail, it can have so much power. I spoke mainly about bipolar mania because I find it quite fascinating. I briefly mentioned that I’ve had suicidal thoughts since the age of 13. That was it! Just from that statement many people came up to the social worker working with me and disclosed that they had suicidal thoughts. Some had a plan to attempt even that week. Some came up with their friends to support them. All of these people chose to get help simply because I stated my truth? That is powerful. I noticed a similar type of openness to disclose when adults find out that I’m a DV (domestic violence) survivor. I’m grateful for those “whys” having been revealed to me.

I also find I’m a lot more understanding and compassionate for people with other kinds of painful experiences. I feel that’s one of the things that makes us human. We’ve all experienced pain, be it emotional, physical or mental. I don’t feel I have to have had the same pain as someone to connect with them. I too have had pain before.

I then worked for almost 15 years in the mental health field. People thought I was so good at my job and at connecting with the clients because I had a mental health illness also. This would irritate me. We were not the same because of mental health issues.. We were the same because we were human and we’ve all had struggles and pain. That’s it! There’s no secret formula. Look at the clients as human beings because that’s what they are. People react well when your approach is that we’re the same.. we’re both human. It’s not rocket science.

I’m happy that I had become very comfortable talking about difficult and sensitive issues from my own life as well as with others over the years. Also for having had so much therapy and recognizing the importance of boundaries. Those things were very helpful in helping my clients. I’m happy for those “whys”. When I went through therapy it was not only for my own wellbeing, it helped in the ease with which I was able to interact with clients.

So maybe instead of “why” we can think “how”. How has this painful event impacted my life in a positive way? How can I use it to help someone else or impact the world in a positive way? How has this made me a better person?

Have a good week my lovelies,

NAZ

Why I started this blog

Featured by N.A.Z., posted in Health

If you knew how long it took me to set up this damn blog! Not that it’s hard because I set one up in a few hours a couple years ago. But because I’m on some medication that makes my brain foggy. It just doesn’t work sometimes. People don’t believe me when I say my brain is not working because I guess I’m too damn high functioning for someone with a visible disability AND an invisible disability (generally I like my disabilities to be invisible and my suffering to be in silence the way it was meant to be!). I know some of you were like “invisible?” what’s that? some may even have wondered if people with disabilities have super powers. I’m telling you right now that we don’t (while I’m nodding my head in a clear yes!”) Don’t tell. We have meetings on Wednesdays at 6:30.. We’re trying to take over the world…. dammit I let it slip. Well we’re all friends here so I’m sure you won’t let the cat out of the bag. Where do some of these sayings come from anyway? Why was the cat even in the damn bag to begin with? And why do people tell you to drink “fluids” when you’re sick. Like “oh I was straight up drinking sand and paper this whole time. You saved my life!”

Anyway I digress. Happens a lot when the pain is so bad you can’t think straight. As a result of the pain as I said in the about me section I’ve been lying in bed like 20 hours a day since December. I was working before that but still in pain. So Netflix is great and all but I’m bored AF and I have cabin fever. So I always have things to say and I found people were really enjoying my posts that I wrote on facebook so that is how this blog came about. Unfortunately lately I have been swearing like a sailor so if that offends anyone.. move on to someone else’s blog because I really don’t give 2 fucks! (joking). Where did that saying come from?.. Like someone decided that 1 fuck wasn’t enough?? I really wonder about things sometimes. That’s what you do when you’re in bed all day and fairly isolated. I never really used to swear. There are so many other interesting words in the English language. Like saying troglodyte instead of asshole is quite liberating. But for some reason the swearing is so freeing right now. I’ll try to tone it down. But some times an “f” bomb is the only choice. You know what I mean?

It’s so frustrating because all I like to do is help people. My clients at work, my friends and family, strangers. I love helping people and now I’m the one that needs the help. So difficult for me to receive but I’m grateful that I even have so many people that love me enough that they’re willing to help. I’m truly blessed but at the same time in pain so I’m super bitter and irritable and even more sarcastic sometimes.

Once I was at a clients house and she said “oh you forgot to zip up your boots” I was like “nope it’s not happening today I’ve reached my threshold for bending already” and that was that. Nothing is worse than having to wait as your mother zips up your boots before you go out (that’s a lie there are MANY worse things! I’ve been through a lot of them). But Im grateful she’s so glad to help. I’m 40 so I just feel so shitty that my “mommy” even has to do it but I’m glad someone is willing to do it. Some people have no one but I’m surrounded by a lot of love. Truly grateful for that.

My chiropractor said if it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all! Specialists are frequently shocked at the fact that I’m able to function with such high degrees of pain. But I’m the type of person where you could be like “AQ, your leg just fell off” and I’ll be like “I know, pay no attention to the gaping wound, I have another leg I’ll just use that and hop. I feel like there’s someone that needs love or help somewhere.. that’s more important.. I’ll worry about my stuffering later”

And that’s the problem. Later never comes. Then things just get worse and worse. I can’t keep helping people or worrying about others needs to my own detriment.. Remember I said I’m 40.. Apparently it takes a while for things to sink in sometimes because I’m still resisting that lesson.

THat’s it for now. I’ve been sitting in an uncomfortable position for a while. Bet you’re somewhat curious about the nature of my disabilities. Or maybe you’re not and I hope you get mauled by wild racoons! Just kidding. It doesn’t matter to me. Even if no one reads this, that’s not the point. I can imagine that lots of people are reading it and it’s just as good. It’s therapeutic I find. So read, don’t read, won’t twist my knickers! Again, where do these sayings come from?!?!?! If you do read it thank you and I really appreciate that.. Truly.

Have a wonderful weekend my lovelies,

AQ

Labeled Disabled

by N.A.Z., posted in Disability

We’re Seen as Nothing

People with disabilities are too often rendered invisible—not seen, not heard, and certainly not believed.

Our existence is questioned, our voices dismissed, and our needs ignored. We’re treated like our struggles are exaggerated, our pain is inconvenient, and, honestly, our presence is just a burden. Do we not deserve dignity? Do we not deserve to be respected and included? Do we not bleed?

Let’s talk about how healthcare providers treat people on disability. Specifically, those on social assistance disability versus those on insurance-backed disability from their workplace. Spoiler: it’s not the same. If you’re on social assistance disability, you’re the bargain-bin patient nobody wants.

Here’s the deal: providers often have the option to not take social assistance disability clients. Why? Because they don’t get paid the full amount for the services they provide. Take dentists, for example—they only get about 30% of what they’d normally charge. I mean, if you’re a successful business owner, why settle for 30% when you can get 100% from someone else? And so, we’re left scrambling to find care, while others get gold-star treatment.

Chiropractic care? Forget it—it’s not covered. Doesn’t matter that it could help manage and prevent a variety of conditions. Psychotherapy? Nope. But, don’t worry, they’ll happily pay for your taxi to and from a session they refuse to cover. Make it make sense.

I’ve even been told flat-out, “No, we don’t cover therapies.” Oh, cool, so you’ll pay for me to physically get there, but the actual help I need? Not your problem. It’s like dangling a carrot just to remind me I’m not worth the cost.

The system is built to make us feel like nothing—like our lives and our health don’t matter. And honestly? That’s the part that stings the most.

Thanks for reading this my Lovelies

N.A.Z.

I’m Back! I’ve Been Busy with A Lot of Things

by N.A.Z., posted in Health

It’s been 3 years since I’ve posted here. I had actually forgotten about it for a while to be honest. Unfortunately I was correct about something concerning my health.. things I’d been considering since 2019.

In a previous post here.. I mentioned that I’d been having a lot of medical tests, as I had developed multiple conditions. I kept saying to anyone that would listen “all of these seemingly random conditions are not random at all. They are part of an actual condition that has yet to be identified. Once it is found, all of these seemingly random issues will be acknowledged as part of that condition.”

In March of 2022 I learned that I was correct. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I was prepared for it. I’d already been dealing with multiple chronic issues for decades. I had a pharmacist that I trusted. A GP that had been following me for decades, a good psychiatrist and a combination of psych meds that was keeping me very stable in term of bipolar disorder.

A life long chronic illness can cause depression. I already had a lot of “tools” (that’s some therapy talk having tools in your toolbox.. you need tools to build a house, and tools to build your life. Some don’t like that terminology, but I like it) to deal with depression and a safety plan. One of the medications can cause all of the symptoms of bipolar and schizophrenia. I was very concerned about this. The idea of having a manic episode was very concerning. It can be destructive and sometimes it can take 2 years to recover. My pharmacist was very gently trying to say that I was already on all of the medications. So I said it for her. We both laughed.

I’m glad when people can read the room. she basically told me I’m already on the medications to counter any psychiatric side effects. Also, that the dosages were so low those type of side effects shouldnt happen with anyone. She also stressed that if my MS neurologist wants me to take certain medications, there is definitely a reason for it.

I have since learned I’m actually on the highest dosage of medication that exists. They said they have to use an “aggressive approach.” This was because the MS had progressed so much. I think I’d probably had it for 8-10 years prior to the diagnosis. This is common. The only thing other than my meds are clinical trials with chemotherapy medications. I cannot be a part of clinical trials because of my many issues and psychiatric medications.

One of the interesting things that I learned was, it was a very good thing that I was getting intravenous medications. Often oral medications interact with my psychiatric medication. Apparently, when something comes through the intravenous route, it bypasses a lot of the things that happen when you take oral medication. I didn’t have to worry about interactions with my psychiatric medication.

It’s been an interesting journey. The diagnosis could have happened a few years earlier. Different doctors had been requesting MRIs for years. I have a Harrington rod in my back. Spinal fusion for scoliosis. I was told to let doctors know that I have metal if they request any imaging like X-rays, CT scans.. even ultrasounds. The doctors would just hear the word metal, then tell me they would do a CT scan instead.

**Something important to note**.. only an MRI can detect certain MS related features. Many doctors did not know that I actually can have an MRI even though I have metal. The proper thing to do it to ask the radiologist! They will ask the type of metal implant, the year it was done and where the procedure was performed. They may possible need to contact the surgeon that performed the procedure. As simple as that. Likely my MS would not have progressed so severely. What’s done is done. Please help me spread the word.

Please do consult with your radiologist if you are in need of an MRI and you have a metal implant.

More to come on my experience with MS. Wow. If I only had chronic pain and bipolar things would be so much more simply relatively speaking.

Have a wonderful weekend my lovelies. Sorry it’s been so long.

N.A.Z. (not anybody’s zero.)

Ask Me Questions About my Mental Health or How to be a More Effective Loved One.

by N.A.Z., posted in Ask a question about mental health

I can come at this from 3 ways. I have a mental illness. I graduated with a degree in psychology and I also worked in the mental health field for over 10 years.

I’ve seen my family struggle and the families of others. I’m trying to put purpose to my pain.

Please ask me any question about my experience and questions about how loved ones can be more effective and have a better understanding. Ask in the comment section below.

This does not take place of medical advice or therapeutic advice.

Have a wonderful week my lovelies,

Naz

Learn how overstimulation can cause a manic episode or make a current episode worse.

by N.A.Z., posted in mental health

My old doctor warned me when I was getting out of the hospital for a manic episode “even if you take your medication, if you overstimulate yourself, you will end up severely manic and right back here.” I was intrigued by this whole notion of overstimulation. I’d never heard of it in university or in my work or from another doctor.

With mania it wants to feed itself so you get more elevated and severe. Some things that are completely safe and natural when you’re stable, can overstimulate you when you’re manic or cause a manic episode if you do them in excess. For me these things can include but are not limited to: loud music or concerts (especially gospel music) excessive exercising , sex, being in a brightly lit room, long stimulating conversations, playing my djembe drum. Friends and family can think they’re helping by engaging me in conversation but it has the opposite effect. I find being by myself in a dimly lit room can be very helpful. Not forever, just until the episode decreases. Not being aware of these things can cause you to relapse and end up back in the hospital. This has never happened to me and I really believe it’s because of my awareness of overstimulation .

If you think about it I’m sure you can distinguish some things that overstimulate you. Don’t try to figure it out while you’re in the episode. Sex is likely one for everyone and loud music, concerts and a brightly lit room . You can start there. Overstimulation can also cause an episode when you’re stable. For example if I start listening to loud music everyday and going to concerts , I could cause myself to have an episode. Also not sleeping and pulling all nighters is a definite way to cause an episode.

I hope this was helpful. It was not to cause fear but to empower.

Have a wonderful week my lovelies,

Naz