If you knew how long it took me to set up this damn blog! Not that it’s hard because I set one up in a few hours a couple years ago. But because I’m on some medication that makes my brain foggy. It just doesn’t work sometimes. People don’t believe me when I say my brain is not working because I guess I’m too damn high functioning for someone with a visible disability AND an invisible disability (generally I like my disabilities to be invisible and my suffering to be in silence the way it was meant to be!). I know some of you were like “invisible?” what’s that? some may even have wondered if people with disabilities have super powers. I’m telling you right now that we don’t (while I’m nodding my head in a clear yes!”) Don’t tell. We have meetings on Wednesdays at 6:30.. We’re trying to take over the world…. dammit I let it slip. Well we’re all friends here so I’m sure you won’t let the cat out of the bag. Where do some of these sayings come from anyway? Why was the cat even in the damn bag to begin with? And why do people tell you to drink “fluids” when you’re sick. Like “oh I was straight up drinking sand and paper this whole time. You saved my life!”
Anyway I digress. Happens a lot when the pain is so bad you can’t think straight. As a result of the pain as I said in the about me section I’ve been lying in bed like 20 hours a day since December. I was working before that but still in pain. So Netflix is great and all but I’m bored AF and I have cabin fever. So I always have things to say and I found people were really enjoying my posts that I wrote on facebook so that is how this blog came about. Unfortunately lately I have been swearing like a sailor so if that offends anyone.. move on to someone else’s blog because I really don’t give 2 fucks! (joking). Where did that saying come from?.. Like someone decided that 1 fuck wasn’t enough?? I really wonder about things sometimes. That’s what you do when you’re in bed all day and fairly isolated. I never really used to swear. There are so many other interesting words in the English language. Like saying troglodyte instead of asshole is quite liberating. But for some reason the swearing is so freeing right now. I’ll try to tone it down. But some times an “f” bomb is the only choice. You know what I mean?
It’s so frustrating because all I like to do is help people. My clients at work, my friends and family, strangers. I love helping people and now I’m the one that needs the help. So difficult for me to receive but I’m grateful that I even have so many people that love me enough that they’re willing to help. I’m truly blessed but at the same time in pain so I’m super bitter and irritable and even more sarcastic sometimes.
Once I was at a clients house and she said “oh you forgot to zip up your boots” I was like “nope it’s not happening today I’ve reached my threshold for bending already” and that was that. Nothing is worse than having to wait as your mother zips up your boots before you go out (that’s a lie there are MANY worse things! I’ve been through a lot of them). But Im grateful she’s so glad to help. I’m 40 so I just feel so shitty that my “mommy” even has to do it but I’m glad someone is willing to do it. Some people have no one but I’m surrounded by a lot of love. Truly grateful for that.
My chiropractor said if it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all! Specialists are frequently shocked at the fact that I’m able to function with such high degrees of pain. But I’m the type of person where you could be like “AQ, your leg just fell off” and I’ll be like “I know, pay no attention to the gaping wound, I have another leg I’ll just use that and hop. I feel like there’s someone that needs love or help somewhere.. that’s more important.. I’ll worry about my stuffering later”
And that’s the problem. Later never comes. Then things just get worse and worse. I can’t keep helping people or worrying about others needs to my own detriment.. Remember I said I’m 40.. Apparently it takes a while for things to sink in sometimes because I’m still resisting that lesson.
THat’s it for now. I’ve been sitting in an uncomfortable position for a while. Bet you’re somewhat curious about the nature of my disabilities. Or maybe you’re not and I hope you get mauled by wild racoons! Just kidding. It doesn’t matter to me. Even if no one reads this, that’s not the point. I can imagine that lots of people are reading it and it’s just as good. It’s therapeutic I find. So read, don’t read, won’t twist my knickers! Again, where do these sayings come from?!?!?! If you do read it thank you and I really appreciate that.. Truly.
Have a wonderful weekend my lovelies,
AQ
Just Mai 2 Cents 