Where to begin? I have back problems and I’m supposed to see a neurosurgeon. Apparently there’s only 1 neurosurgeon in Canada because you can wait over a year to see one. For those of you who are not from Canada, that was an exaggeration. There is definitely more than one but the wait is soooooo long it feels like there’s only 1.
So I had to have a CT scan of my spine before I can even see the neurosurgeon. The summary that I got back was very poorly written with a lot of grammatical errors.. because apparently he went to the same clown college as many other specialists I’ve seen. Basically it said there was nothing surgical. My family doctor said the neurosurgeon might not even agree to see me from those results because surgeons… like to do surgery. Then he asked if anyone had been following my scoliosis (spinal fusion, rod, screws, hooks, constant pain for 30 years.. and I’m only 40, degenerative disc disease, Costochondritis and osteoarthritis). So again.. my family doctor of over 20 years asks me who’s following my scoliosis. I said no one (because it was my family doctor that should have set that up and I didn’t even know someone was supposed to be following it). I asked “who is supposed to be following my scoliosis” to which he replied “a neurosurgeon”. What?!?! You just told me the neurosurgeon will probably not see me because I’m non surgical… but I’m supposed to have him follow my scoliosis.. but he won’t see me because I’m non surgical?! Did he actually hear the words that came out of his mouth?! Yup! Another clown college graduate! Catch 22.
So I have a lot of inflammation in my back to the point where specialists can see the inflammation. Hmmmm an anti inflammatory would be very helpful.. oh wait.. can’t have those because they interact with the lithium I take for my bipolar disorder. All the specialists are like “you can’t take anti inflammatories?!?!?!? Wow that’s so unfortunate because it’s so bad I can see the inflammation.. what a predicament” another catch 22. In what world was what they said at all helpful or supportive? Clown college.
I have cystic acne from the lithium I have to take. But, yay I can’t take any of the acne medications or antibiotics because of the very lithium that’s causing the damn acne in the first place. Catch 22
I’m in severe constant pain. Hmmm maybe pain killers would be helpful.. wait only opiates and narcotics work and they trigger my mental health episodes and that’s why I was hospitalized the last time after 10 years of stability. So really?! I have to make a choice between pain relief and sanity?! Are you kidding me?! Who should ever have to make a choice like that? Catch 22
I’m in so much pain I spend 20 hours lying down in bed. I also have depression from burnout from work and the physical pain. But wait.. what’s one of the worst things you can do if you have depression??.. lying in bed all day.. but I have to or I suffer in a severe way. Catch 22.
The other thing is, my psychiatrist has been on medical Leave since August 2019!!! I hope he’s ok and all but what a time to go! What about my needs. Just kidding. I worry about him so much because I have no idea what’s wrong. Been with him 15 years so he knows my whole life. Some of my family. I really get the feeling he’s never coming back so I won’t even get to say goodbye and tell him how wonderful and life saving he’s been.
Wow. I know there are more catch 22s but I can’t remember because that’s another side effect of my medication. Hahahaha. So I spend a lot of time laughing to myself at the sheer absurdity of it all and then I just look like the “crazy” girl laughing to herself and it makes me laugh harder.
Even through it doesn’t seem like it I do try to find an upside to a situation. I’m glad I can’t take prescription narcotics or opiates because they’re addictive. A substance abuse issue is something I’m glad is not one of my issues because I’ve seen it destroy people’s lives. Also the anti inflammatories you can’t take for long periods of time because they destroy your stomach lining. Who wants that? Plus when I had that morphine pump in the hospital for my surgery I liked it a little too much and I’m glad I didn’t have access to more. It felt realllllllllly good. I was 13 at the time and I sensed it was potentially dangerous. Like I will never forget how wonderful a feeling it gave me. It did give me nightmares of being chased by giant killer bees though. Still afraid of bees because I’ve never been stung so how do I know I’m not going to have an anaphylactic reaction until it happens?!?!
Also for some reason I have exessive thirst. Like I can easily drink 4 L or a gallon of water and be so thirsty like I haven’t had water in days. The doctors response to this is blaming it on the dry mouth that’s caused by my medications. There other response is “maybe you have diabetes because high blood sugar can cause excessive thirst”. Ok that actually makes sense. So they proceeded to repeatedly test my blood sugar at least 7 times since the summer of 2018. Ok guys.. I think we know what’s NOT cause the excessive thirst. It ‘s not diabetes. I don’t know.. maybe you could try testing for…. I don’t know… something other than diabetes? I mean that medical text book is huge.. there must be something else you can test for. Clown college graduates again. Here’s a clue IT’s NOT DIABETES!!! The other thing with the water consumption is I have to drink a lot of water and try not to get dehydrated or I could get what’s called lithium toxicity. Oh yes the lithium I’ve been taking to help me for 15 years is literally toxic (and can ruin your kidneys). If the levels get too high in your system (from not drinking enough water) you can get what’s called lithium toxicity and actually die! Oh great! That does wonders for my anxiety. But the catch 22 is my doctor said if I drink too much water it can dilute the lithium and decrease it’s effects! What?! I have excessive thirst! I continuously feel like I haven’t had water in weeks I’m so thirsty. And now you’re telling me to limit my water intake but just make sure I have enough so I don’t die?! This is literally insane!!!!! (Just an aside I feel I should be able to reclaim the words crazy and insane like some people have done with another word starting with “N” that Becky and Bret can’t say. But I can. I’ll leave it at that.
I worry about a lot of things (generalized anxiety disorder) but that’s another story for another post.
So there we have it! There are so many other things I’m dealing with it’s ridiculous. And I really laugh sometimes. My grandmother always used to “it’s better to laugh than to cry”
Have a wonderful weekend my lovelies. Be kind because you never know what someone is going through. Depression can hide behind the brightest smiles.
AQ
Just Mai 2 Cents 
I know what you mean about doctors who seem clueless. Once i had a piece of food, chicken, lodged in my thought for 3 entire days. they told me my throat was just ‘swelling’. i couldn’t eat a thing, just small amount of fluid for 3 entire days. I was still coughing up chicken bits on day 3 of this. I could feel the chicken chunk moving around and ramming into my esophagus when fluid went down. I had to use acidic beverages to weather down the piece of food until it finally went down on day 3. ….. Another time a few years, a far more serious example, ago i have having stabbing chest pain, it was so intense and lasted for 4 months. they told me everything was fine. they told me maybe i was just anxious. turns out they say this to a huge number of people, not just me. that pain was way too sever to be ‘anxiety’. I am a Buddhist and I don’t even get anxious, I mean, rarely. I’m not really even afraid of anything. Anxiety is a chemical response that you can feel. So many doctors pass up what they don’t know and will say “it’s anxiety”. Sorry I hope this isn’t too random.. I have a lot of experience with clueless doctors. Doctors know a lot… but the problem is in situations where they “don’t know” they will just pretend that they do in fact “know.” that is the frustrating part. Somehow the word “catch 22” has also been coming up for me a lot lately too. Like you fail either way. It gets so much worse. The time I had that pain for for months… the doctors convinced my mom i was a schizophrenic. Mental illness is like a trendy commodity and they hand out pills and diagnoses to people like it is candy, there is no actual concern for a person getting better.. it is like they are just itching to diagnose problems that involve selling pills. The pills don’t even work, and slowly damage the body over time, causing obesity and a verity of other things, like just wearing you out and shortening your life span. Doctors fixate on the most bizarre stuff, like they use a text book as reference more then their eyeballs thoughts and perceptions about what is right in front of them. I’m not even a doctor yet i feel like i know more about health then many of them.
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Wow I’m sorry you went through that. I’m the most random person ever so that just seemed normal to me. What did the chest pain end up being? I have chest pains and I have a great chiropractor that showed me it’s actually this thing called Costochondritis. It just means the cartilage where your ribs meet you breast bone in inflamed. He pressed the area and I was like “that’s it! That’s the pain that I thought was my heart. I was ready to go to emerge so now that I know it’s not my heart I’m not anxious that I’m dying! Quite nice actually. Thanks for the comment and I wish you good health.
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