Covid-19 – Just Mai 2 Cents

Discontinuing Medications. A Pleasant Surprise!

Why did I stop some medications? Well, I have a swallowing condition. It’s so much more than just “difficulty swallowing” but I’ll leave it at that for now. There are just so many pills. I could not swallow them all. I’m used to taking all of my psych meds, so that wasn’t as much of an issue. But I had a lot of other ones and I’m just like, this is ridiculous. I looked at the pills, what they were for, and what some of the withdrawal side effects were.

So in total, I discontinued 4 separate medications. Eventually, I saw each of the prescribing physicians for the prescriptions that I had discontinued.

The very interesting thing was all of my conditions were doing the best that they’d ever been and I was not on medications for any of those conditions anymore! 🤔 In total, I had discontinued 4 medications, and each of the specialists told me to that they did not recommend I continue those meds as this time because there was no longer a need for them! The thing about that is, they would not have known the status of my conditions if I had not stopped the medications! They would have assumed that the medications were the reason behind, the conditions improved status.

So, now I’m on four less pills daily than I was before. I asked the pharmacist which pills I could crush… Because you can’t just go crushing all pills. Sometimes it changes what they do in your body, so I made sure I confirmed that, then for some of the vitamins I got the chewable kind of vitamins so that was helpful.

My ENT, (ear nose and throat doctor), was very pleased. She actually looked at my throat and saw that there was no longer any inflammation or irritation. She is such a sweet lady. She has amazing bedside manner. And she sat down like she was ready to sit comfortably for as long as it took to hear everything that had been going on since the last time I saw her, three years ago. I really appreciate it that she did not seem like she was in a rush to get it over with and see the next person. My cognitive impairments are not much of and issue when I don’t feel rushed.

She also told me something that was very interesting and potentially life-saving! From years ago, I used to be able to take all of my psych meds at the same time. That was 9 pills! She told me to please stop doing that! She said I would be surprised how many people end up in the ER because they’re trying to speed up the process, by swallowing multiple pills at the same time. She also said that I know I have a swallowing condition in addition to that, so please swallow them one by one.

An interesting thing that she suggested was for each pill, lubricate my throat well with water first (I also have dry mouth which affects your throat as well) and then think of the pill, what it’s supposed to do in my body., And then visualize it doing that in my body. She said to be mindful. That was such a wonderful suggestion, and I actually turned it into prayer.

So now, instead of focussing on the fact that a lot of these allopathic medications are toxic (which they are)… I focus on being grateful that God created the science that made these medications, that have been very helpful to me, even though they have also caused me, some frustration to say the least.

It was such a wonderful interaction with people working in the healthcare system. There have been a lot of things that have annoyed me about the system.

I feel like I have to take the time to acknowledge that there are some really amazing doctors and receptionists and nurses that really want people to heal and be healthy. You mean more to them than just confirming your version code on your health card, to make sure they get paid.

Even her receptionist was exceptionally kind. she remembered me from my phone call a few weeks prior. And she said if I can get in soon then I don’t have to get a new referral from my family doctor. She was like “who wants to do all that work?” And then she stopped me from sitting down in the waiting room, and told me to go right into the examination room. She said that she noticed my cane so “who the heck wants to be standing up and sitting down multiple Times?” She said “I’m not a cruel person like other people.”She was so sweet. Like a ray of sunshine.

The pills that remain are far more manageable. I was even preparing to go to a compounding pharmacist. A compounding pharmacist can make a pill into a dosage that does not exist or even for instance, a liquid versus a pill form. You have to pay for that, so that’s an issue for me.

Now that I have pills that I can crush, pills that I can chew and a decreased amount of pills that I have to swallow. It’s working well for me. Also, when I take my pills now, I feel a sense of gratitude and peace as I’m very mindful😊

Who would have thought, I ever would’ve had a smile after taking my multiple… multiple… multiple… medications? Did I say multiple? My memory and all…

Have a great week my lovelies!

Mai

I’m Back! I’ve Been Busy with A Lot of Things

May 25, 2024May 25, 2024 by N.A.Z., posted in Health

It’s been 3 years since I’ve posted here. I had actually forgotten about it for a while to be honest. Unfortunately I was correct about something concerning my health.. things I’d been considering since 2019.

In a previous post here.. I mentioned that I’d been having a lot of medical tests, as I had developed multiple conditions. I kept saying to anyone that would listen “all of these seemingly random conditions are not random at all. They are part of an actual condition that has yet to be identified. Once it is found, all of these seemingly random issues will be acknowledged as part of that condition.”

In March of 2022 I learned that I was correct. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I was prepared for it. I’d already been dealing with multiple chronic issues for decades. I had a pharmacist that I trusted. A GP that had been following me for decades, a good psychiatrist and a combination of psych meds that was keeping me very stable in term of bipolar disorder.

A life long chronic illness can cause depression. I already had a lot of “tools” (that’s some therapy talk having tools in your toolbox.. you need tools to build a house, and tools to build your life. Some don’t like that terminology, but I like it) to deal with depression and a safety plan. One of the medications can cause all of the symptoms of bipolar and schizophrenia. I was very concerned about this. The idea of having a manic episode was very concerning. It can be destructive and sometimes it can take 2 years to recover. My pharmacist was very gently trying to say that I was already on all of the medications. So I said it for her. We both laughed.

I’m glad when people can read the room. she basically told me I’m already on the medications to counter any psychiatric side effects. Also, that the dosages were so low those type of side effects shouldnt happen with anyone. She also stressed that if my MS neurologist wants me to take certain medications, there is definitely a reason for it.

I have since learned I’m actually on the highest dosage of medication that exists. They said they have to use an “aggressive approach.” This was because the MS had progressed so much. I think I’d probably had it for 8-10 years prior to the diagnosis. This is common. The only thing other than my meds are clinical trials with chemotherapy medications. I cannot be a part of clinical trials because of my many issues and psychiatric medications.

One of the interesting things that I learned was, it was a very good thing that I was getting intravenous medications. Often oral medications interact with my psychiatric medication. Apparently, when something comes through the intravenous route, it bypasses a lot of the things that happen when you take oral medication. I didn’t have to worry about interactions with my psychiatric medication.

It’s been an interesting journey. The diagnosis could have happened a few years earlier. Different doctors had been requesting MRIs for years. I have a Harrington rod in my back. Spinal fusion for scoliosis. I was told to let doctors know that I have metal if they request any imaging like X-rays, CT scans.. even ultrasounds. The doctors would just hear the word metal, then tell me they would do a CT scan instead.

**Something important to note**.. only an MRI can detect certain MS related features. Many doctors did not know that I actually can have an MRI even though I have metal. The proper thing to do it to ask the radiologist! They will ask the type of metal implant, the year it was done and where the procedure was performed. They may possible need to contact the surgeon that performed the procedure. As simple as that. Likely my MS would not have progressed so severely. What’s done is done. Please help me spread the word.

Please do consult with your radiologist if you are in need of an MRI and you have a metal implant.

More to come on my experience with MS. Wow. If I only had chronic pain and bipolar things would be so much more simply relatively speaking.

Have a wonderful weekend my lovelies. Sorry it’s been so long.

N.A.Z. (not anybody’s zero.)

Why?

Featured by N.A.Z., posted in Health

I was having a conversation with my friend the other day and he was saying he doesn’t ask “why” about the painful things that he’s been through in life. I, on the other hand, am different. I am grateful for the “why”. It is always revealed to me eventually. No matter how horrible the experience, there has always seemed to be a purpose to my pain that has helped me to help others and become a better and more compassionate person. I would not be who I am today without each painful and sometimes traumatic experience I’ve been through in my life.

Things like childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, mental and physical illness. It would be easy to sit in place of self-pity and anger indefinitely asking “why” from a negative and bitter place. After keeping things bottled up for years I started to become more vocal about what I’d been through. In my personal life, women young and old, started to disclose to me their stories. Many of them had never disclosed to another person ever. They felt comfortable because they knew I understood. If I’d kept it to myself, maybe some of them would never have told another living soul. That is so much to carry on your own. I’m glad that my openness about my pain allowed them a safe space to disclose their own. I am happy for that “why”.

I also started doing public speaking. Largely to high school students about my challenges with mental health. I learned that sometimes in just naming an experience, not even going into detail, it can have so much power. I spoke mainly about bipolar mania because I find it quite fascinating. I briefly mentioned that I’ve had suicidal thoughts since the age of 13. That was it! Just from that statement many people came up to the social worker working with me and disclosed that they had suicidal thoughts. Some had a plan to attempt even that week. Some came up with their friends to support them. All of these people chose to get help simply because I stated my truth? That is powerful. I noticed a similar type of openness to disclose when adults find out that I’m a DV (domestic violence) survivor. I’m grateful for those “whys” having been revealed to me.

I also find I’m a lot more understanding and compassionate for people with other kinds of painful experiences. I feel that’s one of the things that makes us human. We’ve all experienced pain, be it emotional, physical or mental. I don’t feel I have to have had the same pain as someone to connect with them. I too have had pain before.

I then worked for almost 15 years in the mental health field. People thought I was so good at my job and at connecting with the clients because I had a mental health illness also. This would irritate me. We were not the same because of mental health issues.. We were the same because we were human and we’ve all had struggles and pain. That’s it! There’s no secret formula. Look at the clients as human beings because that’s what they are. People react well when your approach is that we’re the same.. we’re both human. It’s not rocket science.

I’m happy that I had become very comfortable talking about difficult and sensitive issues from my own life as well as with others over the years. Also for having had so much therapy and recognizing the importance of boundaries. Those things were very helpful in helping my clients. I’m happy for those “whys”. When I went through therapy it was not only for my own wellbeing, it helped in the ease with which I was able to interact with clients.

So maybe instead of “why” we can think “how”. How has this painful event impacted my life in a positive way? How can I use it to help someone else or impact the world in a positive way? How has this made me a better person?

Have a good week my lovelies,

NAZ

Are you sick of your doctors pathologizing symptoms or dismissing everything as side effects once they find out you have a mental illness?

May 31, 2020May 11, 2024 by N.A.Z., posted in Health

This has really been pissing me off as of late. (and that’s the understatement of the year). My whole issue is that I was taken off a psychiatric medication 1 year ago.. I called that “the beginning of the end”. I’ve probably mentioned this in previous posts but I have ridiculous memory lapses. It was the beginning of the end of life as I knew it. Still suffering from the effects of that over a year later.

So yes I understand that many psychiatric medications have side effects.. And sometimes even worse withdrawal. But just because it’s on the list of side effects, doesn’t mean it’s not also a disease or physical health issue. And If over 15 years of psych meds I’ve consistently had 5 main side effects and now I have like 97 (probably an exaggeration I haven’t counted).. Sure maybe they’re listed as side effects but maybe there’s also something wrong with my physical health that’s being ignored. My pharmacists, psychiatrist and psychotherapists are all scratching their heads because they can’t figure out why I’m having such rare and severe reactions to medications. Some of which I’ve been on before and had no reaction to. The pharmacist did explain that when I started certain meds 15 years ago my body is completely different today so it’s not as uncommon as I would think for something to have worked before and not to work today.. or for a side effect not to express itself for 14 years. I still feel skeptical about that.. Just the amounts of things that are going wrong.

I’ve also given into the whole “it’s a side effect so lets ignore it” thing. Side effects of 2 of my meds were joint pain. I had this horrible pain in the joints in my foot. Excruciatingly painful to the point where I thought it might have been broken (not sure how I would have broken it because I’m not exactly a speed demon on my cane lol). I put off getting it seen to because joint pain was a side effect. Went to my doctor and he couldn’t see anything in terms of inflammation. I had a feeling in was arthritis. He had it x-rayed.. It was arthritis. I found this strange. I had expected arthritis in my spine because of my condition. I actually already have arthritis in my spine. But in my foot?? That is not a side effect. I got scared because there are actually 360 joints in your body and I was concerned that I could get it in more joints. I do have pain in other joints. I’ve been keeping track of all of my symptoms/side effects/withdrawl symptoms. Many of these overlap with a few actual diseases. Specifically autoimmune diseases. I’ve been convinced this whole time that there is some kind of underlying physical health condition or disease. Once it is diagnosed the health care “professionals” would realize “oh it’s not 97 separate random issues.. they’re all components of this one disease” I’m convinced they will figure this out after I’ve died from the disease. And they’ll be like oops.. it wasn’t only side effects.. and it wasn’t due to the grief of losing her psychiatrist. (he’s not dead he was allegedly on medical leave but I’ve found out that there was a complaint and investigation about him. There are certain things he needs to do before he can be reinstated). If I hear that one more time!!!! I have been through so much crap in my life and you’re trying to tell me the reason my body is having these strange and rare reactions is because I’m “not expressing my emotions about my psychiatrist being on leave so they’re coming out physically”. wtf?!? What do you know about what I have or not expressed?? Did you even ask me? You’ve seen some of his other patients and they’re “taking it really hard” so you’re going to paint us all with the same damn brush. Seen one crazy seen em all?! If anything I have intense anger towards him and I fell I express that extremely well. F*** outta here!. Yes I’m aware of the mind body connection. Yes in other areas of my life that is definitely true. But you are off the mark here. Don’t use big theories you don’t understand. Sorry is my irritation showing? Well at least I’m expressing my emotions right?

So my doctor was going to send me to a chiropodist/podiatrist. I was thinking.. wouldn’t it make more sense to see the specialist that actually deals with and assesses inflammation and arthritis first!? Also a cardiologist because of some of my sypmptoms and test results, I looked it up and it’s a rheumatologist. Why am I, the patient, the person the one to look that up and bring it up to him and now he’s doing the tests? I’m not even mentally stable. Why am I doing your job? Yes I’m anxious but if you mention that as the cause one more time! I’ve had anxiety since I was 8. These things have not happened before. Something different is happening here. I’ve seen the results to the tests he just ordered. He can’t ignore those numbers. It will be an interesting conversation.

Unfortunately sometimes you can’t just sit back and expect the health care professionals to do their best, do their job, go over and above. I’m researching as best I can which is so anxiety inducing but If I hadn’t been researching I wouldn’t have discovered some pretty important things. Frustrating to say the least.

Something to keep in mind. I work at a mental health agency and they ran some statistics and found that I think over 90% of our client deaths were physical health related. Mental health you would assume the higher percentage would be suicide. The reason I know what an internist is because I’ve accompanied clients to their appointments. Internists deal with people who are on multiple conditions and have multiple physical health conditions. That describes so many of our clients. No coincidence that clients on 7+ psych meds also have a lot of physical health conditions. The medications are toxic but I still take them because what’s the alternative? But who’s “crazy” the person who takes a pill that will not cure them, causes many side effects, even worse withdrawal effects if you try to come off, causes obesity, diabetes, heart conditions, kidney conditions, thyroid conditions, lowers your life expectancy….. but yes doctor… I be takin my poison… I mean meds doctor… I sold my guitar and piano because I can’t play them anymore because the hand tremors doctor… my brain is slow but I still be takin my poison… I mean meds doctor.. now I’m obese but can’t lose the weight because the poison… I I mean meds changed my metabolism and I can’t loose it doctor… so now I’m at a greater risk of diabetes doctor. Thanks!! (that was dripping with sarcasm and disdain in case you missed that) And a psychiatrist that was one of my colleagues actually said “there’s no way that client can lose the weight unless they come off all of their meds” That’s how the psychiatrist knew the client was off the meds.. because they were losing so much weight. Wow.

Anyhoo, to people who are on psych meds and for he doctors who treat them. Don’t be so quick to dismiss things to being psychosomatic or side effects because sometime they’re also symptoms of real physical health diseases/conditions.

Anywho that’s the end of my rant for now.

Have a lovely weekend my lovelies. I actually have no idea what day it is today but I’ll go with that.

Positive/Negative things that have come out of Covid in My Life

April 30, 2020April 30, 2020 by N.A.Z., posted in coronavirus, Covid-19

I’m starting out with something negative that enrages me! I noticed on google and on people’s websites there have been no changes made as to whether companies are open/closed during the covid era. I understand that this is the first global pandemic and it’s new for everyone. Maybe making changes on google about your hours etc and you website is more difficult that I realized,, But you can’t update you damn voicemail to inform us whether your’e open during covid, closed during covid and if you ARE open what your new hours of operation are!! How fricken hard is that? You can change your voicemail remotely from home. Incredibly inconsiderate and unprofessional. Then you go to a store and it says it’s open until 9pm.. You get there and see that it close at 5pm. The only reason I know that is because I went to the physical location and saw the typed sign in the window. Why can’t you put that in your voicemail?? My friend has since told me that people are updating things like that on their instagram. How the heck was I supposed to know that??

Spoke to a relative in Ghana and she said the government reluctantly lifted the lockdown. She said they had to because people were dying of hunger. I asked her if she was being literal. She said yes because there are many people who work in order to have food for that day. If they don’t work they don’t have money for food for that day. The lockdown was 3 weeks so people died because they had not food during this time. The government tried to get food to some people but couldn’t reach everyone.. This was so tragic and horrifying. I was even more grateful for the things I’ve had. The only times I don’t it is if I forget or I have no appetite. It’s never due to a lack of food. In Toronto even if you can’t get healthy food, you can still get food. Food banks don’t have the healthiest food but it’s food. Even those 1 dollar soups you can buy. Riddled with sodium but it’s still food. Wow. I’m here ordering food from uber eats.. I can’t really cook right now because it’s very painful to stand.

So a positive thing that happened today which may seem like a negative. I was having “serious” side effects from an antidepressant. For these effects it advises you to contact your doctor as soon as possible. The effects that were the most concerning were issues with my eyes. I have blurred and double vision. One of the issues with the vision problems is that some can cause permanent damage.

My psychiatrist told me to discontinue the medication and some of the other side effects stopped. The pain in my eye drastically decreased but I still have the blurred and double vision. My psychiatrist said it would probably be difficult to get into an eye doctor. I mentioned it to my family doctor and he said he does not have the equipment to check the health of my eye and that I should go to a optometrist. Called mine and of course they hadn’t changed their voicemail and it did not give me the option of leaving a message. I checked his facebook business page. He had tons of youtube videos where he discussed social commentary.. Even footage of him using what seemed like expensive sound equipment. He had the time to do all that and couldn’t post 2 sentences that the clinic is closed??.. Annoying. I hate when things are avoidable and unnecessary I was already tired of his clinic because it basically became an assembly line. Sometimes I had to wait for an hour or more. He no longer had the time to see every person so randomly some other person you hadn’t met would come and check you eyes.. No introduction or explanation or anything. I was thoroughly annoyed.

So I went to Ontario College of Optometrist. That’s their regulatory body that governs everything they do and puts together protocol for Covid. So I checked for all of Toronto and Pickering. There were very few open during covid and it was only for urgent/emergency care. Most were only seeing existing patients. There was one I found that was taking non patients. It was in the next city over but only a 15 minute drive. I assumed he would have been very busy. He called me back the same day and scheduled me for the next day. Very kind and caring man. I like It because it’s a very small practice. He told me to get a form from my family doctor so that I wouldn’t have to pay. I really appreciated that. I was probably there for 2 hours he did every test in the book just to be thorough. I really appreciated that. He said my eyes were drastically out out of alignment. He ofsuspected it was the medication but not necessarily from the medication that was just discontinued. He said it could have been from one of the medications I’ve been on for longer.. or the combination of the 3 medications I”m on at once. He said I should wait a couple of months to see if it resolves itself once the medication is out of my system. If it does not go back to normal he will have to make a new prescription for my glasses including prisms. This fixes the problem. He had some prism lenses and tested them on me and it worked perfectly .

The good think about that clinic is it’s right by the lake. The customer service was amazing. The receptionist really knew what she was doing and warmed up out of her “work mode” once I made her laugh a couple of times. It was very important for the optometrist to be sure that I understood everything he said and the concepts he was presenting. Kept asking if I had any other questions. He does not know me!! I always have questions! He does not know what he was getting himself into lol, Very kind, caring, gentle, professional and knowledgeable man. So after covid I’m going to switch to him as my treating optometrist. So that was the positive that came out of covid today. Even though I ended up with a diagnosis I was treated like a human being. He did not make any ignorant comments about by having bipolar. You’d be surprised how many insensitive and ignorant things specialists say once they know I’m on lithium. Most people know lithium usually equals bipolar disorder.

All in all a good day.

Ultrasound for my thyroid tomorrow and an X-ray for my foot that his been consistently painful fo rover 2 weeks. My body is falling apart,

Have a wonderful week my lovelies. Stay safe. Practice social distancing yada yada.

Peace & Blessings,