I was having a conversation with my friend the other day and he was saying he doesn’t ask “why” about the painful things that he’s been through in life. I, on the other hand, am different. I am grateful for the “why”. It is always revealed to me eventually. No matter how horrible the experience, there has always seemed to be a purpose to my pain that has helped me to help others and become a better and more compassionate person. I would not be who I am today without each painful and sometimes traumatic experience I’ve been through in my life.
Things like childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, mental and physical illness. It would be easy to sit in place of self-pity and anger indefinitely asking “why” from a negative and bitter place. After keeping things bottled up for years I started to become more vocal about what I’d been through. In my personal life, women young and old, started to disclose to me their stories. Many of them had never disclosed to another person ever. They felt comfortable because they knew I understood. If I’d kept it to myself, maybe some of them would never have told another living soul. That is so much to carry on your own. I’m glad that my openness about my pain allowed them a safe space to disclose their own. I am happy for that “why”.
I also started doing public speaking. Largely to high school students about my challenges with mental health. I learned that sometimes in just naming an experience, not even going into detail, it can have so much power. I spoke mainly about bipolar mania because I find it quite fascinating. I briefly mentioned that I’ve had suicidal thoughts since the age of 13. That was it! Just from that statement many people came up to the social worker working with me and disclosed that they had suicidal thoughts. Some had a plan to attempt even that week. Some came up with their friends to support them. All of these people chose to get help simply because I stated my truth? That is powerful. I noticed a similar type of openness to disclose when adults find out that I’m a DV (domestic violence) survivor. I’m grateful for those “whys” having been revealed to me.
I also find I’m a lot more understanding and compassionate for people with other kinds of painful experiences. I feel that’s one of the things that makes us human. We’ve all experienced pain, be it emotional, physical or mental. I don’t feel I have to have had the same pain as someone to connect with them. I too have had pain before.
I then worked for almost 15 years in the mental health field. People thought I was so good at my job and at connecting with the clients because I had a mental health illness also. This would irritate me. We were not the same because of mental health issues.. We were the same because we were human and we’ve all had struggles and pain. That’s it! There’s no secret formula. Look at the clients as human beings because that’s what they are. People react well when your approach is that we’re the same.. we’re both human. It’s not rocket science.
I’m happy that I had become very comfortable talking about difficult and sensitive issues from my own life as well as with others over the years. Also for having had so much therapy and recognizing the importance of boundaries. Those things were very helpful in helping my clients. I’m happy for those “whys”. When I went through therapy it was not only for my own wellbeing, it helped in the ease with which I was able to interact with clients.
So maybe instead of “why” we can think “how”. How has this painful event impacted my life in a positive way? How can I use it to help someone else or impact the world in a positive way? How has this made me a better person?
Have a good week my lovelies,
NAZ
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